About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's never too late to be topless.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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