I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sorry my hands just texted you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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