you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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