Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
