This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize