I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
