My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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