So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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