Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
