Welp...herpes.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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