Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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