Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
