Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
