i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
