Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
