the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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