First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
