Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
