Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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