That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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