I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
