It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
