I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
