How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
