im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
