How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
