so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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