Apparently you make a good broom.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
