Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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