Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize