Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
