I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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