I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
