i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
