M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
