What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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