Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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