Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
