But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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