I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
