I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
