I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
accomplished twins. life is a go
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
