life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize