You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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