My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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