I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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