it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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