So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
