So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
