this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
