I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Boobs are out for the taking
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
