Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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