Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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