I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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