I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
