Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
