I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
