I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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