Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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