Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
