I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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