Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
