Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
