Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
