So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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