So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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