My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
